Thursday, 11 December 2014

Taking A Breather

A couple days ago, I came to a horrible realization: I didn't know what I was doing with a series I loved. There are too many plot holes, too many unexplained circumstances, and I can't keep shoving the words out when there will be pieces that don't connect. I don't want to write a series that can be read as standalone work– I want everything to come together in the end, and I knew I was putting too much effort into the individual stories and random scenes.

To say this bit of writers block crushed me is an understatement. For the rest of the day, I couldn't focus. I was mopey and depressed, and even chocolate couldn't cure my heart sickness.

But I couldn't stop writing. I just can't do that. It's my own fault– I always knew I would take on more than I could handle and this is the price I'm paying for it.

Having said that, I'm not giving up on the series. I need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, come up with something stronger to fix all my plot holes and integrate the larger story into the smaller ones. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to get through this whole series and cross it off my list. But I want to make my efforts worthwhile, and I want to feel confident with what I'm doing.

I've read countless articles and interview with authors who've been through this same thing, so I know it's not the lowest of the low. I'm also not ashamed of the hurt I'm feeling at knowing I'll basically have to start over again. It shows that I care, that I'm dedicated into making my story work, and will find a way to improve.

It sucks. It really, really does. But I didn't choose an easy career, no matter what the hypocrites and non-believers say. I love what I do, and if I weren't passionate about it, I wouldn't be this upset. Writing is like a good marriage– you fall in love, you work hard, you hit the bumps in the road, and you find a way to carry on. For me, that means temporarily moving onto something fresh and new to take my mind off the heartache. I do have a project in mind that won't be very long and intend to put out to publishers regardless (and I do have someone interested in the concept), but one day I'll sit back down and plan everything in more detail. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and if you're not willing to suck it up and fight for what you love, then it's not really love, is it?


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